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You can download ROMS from various sites on the web. Google is your best bet at finding these. The websites will normally include guides on how to add games to your flash card or whatever
Alright, you buy a slot card. The R4 package usually comes with the slot card and a microSD memory card USB reader. You need to also buy a microSD card if you don't already have one.
You then get roms from websites on the internet. Such as: RomHustler SimplyNDS
You get the 1.14 Kernal (US)and the _System_ folder from the R4 website: R4DS Official Site
(Click English on the top right of the page)
Then you just copy/paste the .nds files (the roms) into the root of your microSD card. Put that card into your R4 cartridge and put that cartridge into Slot 1 of your DS.